Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Backburner Faith

How do you recover from admitting that you don’t trust God to answer your prayers? That you don’t believe He’s even listening? That the last 5 months has found you making compromises, deals, and excuses for things that you know are wrong, but since you weren’t brave enough to trust God with one tiny thing it exploded into one GIANT thing?

How do you admit that you’ve put God on a back burner?

Just so you don’t think I’ve totally lost it all, I have been praying to God. A LOT. About a month ago I had to have a rather difficult conversation with someone. For weeks leading up to that conversation I prayed about it so much that I was certain God rolled His eyes whenever I started talking to Him about it. The day of found me in a non-stop dialogue with Him over it. I prayed for peace. I prayed for clarity of words. I prayed for the other person (whom I knew I was blindsiding with this conversation). And most of all, I prayed for redemption of the relationship afterward.

God honored those prayers and so much more.

Why was it so easy for me to trust Him with that but not this?

I don’t have the answers. I know that this morning found me on my knees begging for the ability to trust Him completely. I wish I could tell you that a switch went off in my heart and that trust was completely there.

It wasn’t.

Instead I was overcome with the strong realization that it was going to take a daily, no hourly, decision to trust.  As this process of finally dealing with the BIG things progressed I would have to make a conscious effort to surrender it all to God.  All the thinking, obsessing, worrying that had started to creep in since I started to deal needs to be replaced with trust in the ONLY One who can sort this out.

The ONLY One who deserves the glory when all is said and done.

Last year a dear friend shared with me these words from an old hymn.  They are a sweet reminder of a real truth.

God is too wise to be mistaken.
God is too good to be unkind.
So when you can't see His plan,
When you can't understand,
When you can't trace His hand,
Trust His heart.


  1. It's been good to read your last three posts, I think many of us have been where you were. we don't have to deal with things. Love hearing your process of laying everything on the table before God. Come and visit. You've been on my sidebar since I started my blog back in October.
    hugs and blessings,

  2. Debra - thank you. It's been very cathartic writing again. But I still wish it was 6 months from now and I was past this icky part!!