Leave Wubbie Outside

I don't have kids. I do work with the youth group at my church and I have a multitude of teenagers (OH MY STARS!!  Some of them are 20 now!) that I love and adore and would welcome any of them at my home at any hour of the day or night.  But, for whatever reason, besides not giving me a husband at this time I have also not been given biological children. What I do have are 2 dogs. My sweet, sweet Sophie Marie and the ever-frustrating Tucker Allen

Often I say that I am raising a two-year-old when talking about Tucker. He is my Dennis-the-Menace-problem-child.  He is also the one that teaches me more about my walk with God than anything else.   There are a few things, very few, that Tucker has mastered:  he knows not to touch a kibble of food unless I tell him it's OK; and, also knows that under no circumstances can Wubbie ever come into the house. There are other things, MANY other things, that he still working on.

Unfortunately for him, there is much that he hasn’t learned. He has a bizarre addiction to toilet paper rolls and kitchen utensils. Specifically wooden spoons. I don't know why and I don't know why he won't stop.  He also has an odd attraction to shoes - I don't mean he chews them, thank the Lord, rather he moves them. If a pair shoes is left sitting out and I leave Tucker out of jail (a.k.a. his crate) when I come back the shoes will be in an unknown location. A pair of shoes left out in the bedroom could have one end up in the living room and the other in the laundry room.

I have come to realize that Tuckers behavior, both good and bad, are much like my reaction to sin.  There are many things that I know are sin and that I know not to do.  There are just as many, some days MORE things that, although I know they are wrong, I still continue to do.  And just like Tucker, it often takes God’s gentle correction (and sometimes not so gentle) to show me that I need to stop or change.  Lately I find myself wondering why I just don’t get it – why do I keep doing the things that God and His Word CLEARLY show’s me I shouldn’t.  Why do I keep “moving shoes” and “chewing wooden spoons” when God wants so much more from me?

I don’t have any answers.  I know I’m not alone in this.  I do know, that much like I continue to love Tucker regardless of his latest fiasco, God loves me tenfold – regardless. 

Until the next light bulb,
Alice

 

“Will You Take Less For This?”

On Saturday I participated in our community yard sale.  For 2 weeks I went through closets, drawers and storage bins pulling out all the stuff that at some point I really didn’t think I could live without and just HAD to have.  It was going to revolutionize, glamorize or symbolize my life.  Now I was willing to take 50 cents for it just to get it gone.

I wasn’t forced to buy any of that stuff (I resisted using the word crap). I chose to buy those things because I thought each thing would some how improve or enhance my life in some way.  Saturday that $30 improvement went for $4.

So as I was packing the left over stuff, I started thinking, “Did God choose me OR did I choose God?”  (This is not meant to be a discussion on predestination or free-will!)  I CHOSE to buy that slightly too tall lamp with a shade that acts as a magnet to every piece of fur, dust or lint within a 20 mile radius.  But that’s just a lamp.  What about the God of the Universe?

This I know for an absolute fact:  God loves me.  Period.  He sent His Son to die for me!   And as a result, He commands me to love Him.  It’s not a choice, it’s a command.

Not a choice.

A command.

“Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’”

Matt 22:37

A command.

My choice came in choosing Him.  He is the one thing that improves and enhances my life.

Completely.

Yet, I confess, there are times when that choice is tough.  When I’m willing to take less. When the command to love Him feels like a burden.  Yes, I just wrote that.  It’s in those terrible, dark times when I’m placing more value on WHAT He gives me, not WHO He gave me.

My God, who loves me so stinkin’ much that He allowed His Son to die on a cross for me, deserves so much more than my lousy choices and crappy (there I said it) attitudes.  He deserves so much more than my willingness to take less.  He gave me the GREATEST gift of all.  Am I seriously crazy enough to choose less than that?

I do not want to live without God.  I can’t, actually.  I choose God.  And that choice demands that I love God.  And I choose to love Him regardless of whether or not He give me what I want. Because He gave me Who I need.

Pick A Topic, Any Topic

There are about a million and five things I want to talk about, but my mind cannot seem to focus on just one.  I even wrote something about one of them and **POOF** it went buh-bye.  That is good, because I wasn't happy with what I wrote.

I want to write a funny, light-hearted post because I think I've been WAY too serious lately.

Yeah, not happening.

So maybe I'll talk about what happened yesterday at yet ANOTHER church I've been going to recently.  I most likely will NOT be going back, but I'm afraid I'm being too narrow-minded (trust me, what happened is REALLY controversial). 

Nah - can't organize those thoughts.

How about the fact that I'm STILL struggling with wondering whether or not God is listening to me?  Can you believe that?  STILL.  As I sat there pouring my heart out to Him about it, questioning whether or not it even mattered what I said, He did something VERY specific to show me He was listening.

Nope - no organization there.

So instead, today I wanna do two things.  I wanna link y'all over to (in)courage and ENCOURAGE you to read Sarah Markley's post on hope.    Sarah has, hands down, become my favorite blogger.  I anxiously look forward to her new blog post each day.  After reading her entry over at (in)courage, why not hop on over to her blog - it'll bless your socks right on off.

And finally, this:

"The Lord himself will fight for you.  Just stay calm."

Exodus 14:14 (NLT)

What A Difference A Day Makes

The situation hasn't changed.

The problems haven't changed.

And yet today, I feel totally different.

God didn't change.

His promises haven't changed.

So what happened?  It's me.  It's my heart.  I choose to trust.  I choose to take refuge.  I choose to rest in the knowledge that HE is in control.  I choose to let myself be surrounded by Him.

I choose to let Him do what He is good at, instead of relying on myself.

Scared.

Hurting.

Confused.

Alone.

He chooses to protect, heal, comfort and provide.

I choose to live this day for Him and not for me.  I choose to be thankful for what I have, not what I want.

I choose God.

Technorati Tags: God,protect,provide

Who's Your Daddy?

Unlike when I was in Belize, I am taking a seriously slow time to go through the book Crazy Love.  So much so, that after several weeks, I've finally started chapter 3 - "Crazy Love."  This chapter is about God's CRAZY LOVE for us and starts by talking about our earthly fathers and that sometimes that skews our view of God's love.

Since I knew I didn't have the most IDEAL family situation, I didn't want to admit, or think, or believe that whatever I felt about God or about how God loved me had anything to do with growing up Wassam.  Turns out, I think maybe it did (catch that - I'm STILL not totally admitting it, am I?).

In case the 5 folks who read this don't know (yup - I've grown from 3 to 5!) my parents divorced when I was 3.  My dad tried for a few years to be a dad, but eventually gave up.  I don't doubt for one moment that my dad loved me (and never have).  He pretty much only came into my life when he had money to pay some child support (meaning he hadn't gambled it all away) and when he was sober.  I could go for years without hearing from my dad.

I knew my daddy loved me, but TRUST was what was missing.  I learned to not ask my dad for anything - not because he didn't want to get it for me, he really did - he just couldn't, or as I sometimes thought, he just didn't hear me. When I'd call my daddy and ask him to come see me or whatever, most often he was either too broke or too drunk.

Turns out, I view God much the same way. It has taken me a very long time to admit that.  Slowly I am trying to change my thoughts that God isn't listening to me because He can't or doesn't want to.  I am trying desperately to grasp the concept that God my Father ALWAYS listens, ALWAYS hears, and ALWAYS answers.

God is never too anything to not hear me.  God isn't ignoring me. God isn't avoiding answering my prayers.

God isn't my daddy, He's my Father.

My earthly daddy loved me as best he could, being the sinful, human that he was.  Near the end of his life, he got to know my Father in a sweet, wonderful way.  My daddy walked away from the things that came between he and me, and walked toward a relationship with the One who loved me the way he never could.

My heavenly Father loves me in ways that I will never, ever fully comprehend and in ways that I'm just now starting to understand.  He is never too anything not to listen to me.  His silence (which I talked about here) has everything to with His CRAZY love for me. My response to Him is to trust.

Everything.

Always.

Even the silences.

"Since I Have My Life Before Me."

I'll live my life to the fullest.  I'll be happy.  I'll brighten up. I will be more joyful than I have ever been. I will be kind to others.  I will loosen up. I will tell others about Christ.  I will go on adventures and change the world.  I will be bold and not change who I really am.  I will have no troubles but instead help others with their troubles.

You see, I'll be one of those people who live to be history makers at a young age.  Oh, I'll have moments, good and bad, but I will wipe away the bad and only remember the good.  In fact that's all I remember, just good moments, nothing in between, just living my life to the fullest.  I'll be one of those people who go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan, and nothing will hold me back.  I'll set an example for others, I will pray for direction.

I have my life before me.  I will give others the joy I have and God will give me more joy.  I will do everything God tells me to do.  I will follow the footsteps of God.  I will do my best!!!

The above was not reprinted with permission.  But it's the story, the thing that I read that changed EVERYTHING for me.  It was written by Brooke Bronkowski when she was twelve years old.

TWELVE.

I'm... well I'm not twelve.  And I have no idea how much of my life I have ahead of me.  But more than anything else, I want to live the way Brooke desired to live. 

I want to be happy.

I want to tell others about Christ.

I want to go somewhere with a mission, an awesome plan, a world-changing plan.

I. Won't. Be. Held. Back.

A few years later, Brooke was killed in a car accident.  Brooke lived her brief 14-years exactly the way she wanted.  Brooke did her best.

I pray, with all my heart, that I will too.

'Nuff Said

We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer.

People may be pure in their own eyes, but the Lord examines their motives.

Commit your actions to the Lord, and your plans will succeed.

The Lord has made everything for his own purposes, even the wicked for a day of disaster.

The Lord detests the proud; they will surely be punished.

Unfailing love and faithfulness make atonement for sin. By fearing the Lord, people avoid evil.

When people’s lives please the Lord, even their enemies are at peace with them.

Better to have little, with godliness, than to be rich and dishonest.

We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

 Proverbs 16:1-9 (NLT)

A Cookbook, Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino and God

Let me recap what's been going on:

1.  I went to Belize

2.  I read a book

3.  God changed my life

  

Ok, that pretty much sums it all up.

Have a nice day.

I'M KIDDING!!!  I mean that does sum it up, but that change?  Yeah, it's still scaring me.  And it makes me wonder, "What in the hey, whoa, YEAH is God doing??"   There are some days when I don't think He's moving fast enough and others when I wanna shout STOP!!  But He's God, He's in charge and I'm just along for the ride.

One of the realities of what I think God's doing (in case you missed it, I talked about it here) is the very, VERY real possibility that I might have to raise support.  Yikes!  No let me rephrase - YIKES!!!! I mean who in the heck am I kidding??  What in the world am I thinking?? 

HAVE I LOST MY EVER LOVIN' COTTON PICKIN' MIND???

So I kinda, sorta, freaked out Friday night, Saturday morning as I dwelled on the whole subject.  Satan, that rascally devil, had quite the heyday with my mind.  Drat him!  So by mid-morning Saturday I was discouraged and admitted to God, AGAIN, that I can't do this, that I'm scared and that I need Him to help me. (FYI - I pray that nearly every day, nope every hour these days.)

Now what happened over the next 2 days may seem insignificant to you, but to me, it confirmed LOUD and CLEAR that God was going to take care of and provide for me in ways I couldn't even imagine. 

On Saturday morning I was out and about and during one of my stops a woman (whom I don't even know, FYI) came up to me, handed me a cookbook that I had looked at before, wanted but had opted NOT to spend $25 on it, and told me that she received this book as a gift, had one already and asked if I would like to have it.  Excuse me?  Who does that??  TO A TOTAL STRANGER???

Then yesterday I was meeting a friend for coffee and chat.  Now the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice frappuccinos are out... and though I am a LOYAL Storyville drinker, a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice frapp is, just, well... YUMMY, and it signifies fall and they're yummy and I just like 'em (did I mention they're yummy?)!  I have been craving one since the came out (Tuesday, I believe), but thankfully there's no Starbucks in my sleepy little hollow.  My friend, however, wanted to meet at a Starbucks that's about mid-way between our houses. 

Oh the temptation.

On my way to meet my friend I asked God for the strength to NOT to waste my money (I know that sounds silly, but I REALLY like these things).  When I walked in my friend announced that she had gotten a gift card for her birthday and it was her treat.  I stood there, trying to protest, telling her I didn't really want anything and she said, "Are you kidding me?  The Pumpkin Spice frappacinos are out and they are YUMMY!  Let's each get one, ok??"

Oh yeah, it was yummy. 

On my way home later I thought about God showing me how He knows my wants and needs (even the frivolous ones) and that He's in charge of them all.  He reminded me through a cookbook from a stranger and a yummy drink from a friend how much He loves me and will provide for me.

(Did anyone besides me catch the humor of the picture of the frappuccinos being near "I Gave Up Two Mochas For Africa" logo?  Nice, huh?)

Runs With Scissors

It's probably no mistake that this morning I read one of my favorite bloggers, Jon Acuff over at Stuff Christians Like, before I did any other reading, praying and journaling.  I thoroughly enjoy his humor and take on a variety of topics.  Today's entry was on being brave.  Something I'm totally, TOTALLY, not.

At all.

Not one iota.

Especially right now.  Especially today.  Especially at this moment.

This THING that God is calling me to flat out, 100%, terrifies me. 

To the point that I'd rather ignore it all, live my rather boring life, doing my rather boring thing, and stay put, than take that very first step toward all of THIS.

This THING that is huge and radical and scary! 

MOMMIE!!

But, as Jon's blog reminded me, a 5-year-old shows more bravery on their 1st day of school than I am now.  So what if I take a step toward this and I fail?  What if I don't fail?  What if I miss out on God using me to do something BIG!  Would I rather live with regrets of never having tried or would I rather be known as the kid who runs with scissors?  At least that kid is running, instead of this kid who wants to sit right where they are.

Boring.

So I am choosing today to live like a 5-year-old.  I am choosing to step into that big giant school with kids who are bigger and older and wiser.  I am choosing to run with scissors toward whatever and wherever God wants me.

(Just so ya know I do think that actually RUNNING with scissors is WRONG and dangerous and all that stuff.  I don't recommend ANYONE actually running with scissors. K?)

30 Days

It has officially been 30 days since I got back from Belize.  My laundry's done (ok that happened within 24 hours actually), the pictures are posted (ALSO within 24 hours), souvenirs and thank yous.... ok not so much done - and I was on such a roll!  BUT I'm finally also at the point of being able to talk and hopefully move on the whole thing that has literally been keeping me up at night.

I had taken the opportunity to hang out at the beach this weekend with my "family."  It was a near perfect time of relaxing, laughing, and talking.  Most importantly getting to talk to the people whose opinions matter to me the most.  But before I had a chance to do that, God needed to show me just one more time that this time is about Him and what He's doing. He did that on Sunday at a church service that was held in the "resort" where we were staying. The pastor there has been going through Philippians and this particular sermon was on the first part of Philippians 3:

"Finally..."

(I LITERALLY meant the first part!)

The guy teaching is one of those alliteration preachers - which I must confess, I like. And because the folks who attended the Sunday morning gathering tend to change from week to week, he's also one of those guys who can succintly recap several weeks of sermons.  Bonus! 

Philippians, Chapter 1, he told us, is about our purpose.  My purpose, your purpose, ANY believers purpose, is to glorify God in all we say and do.  Everything else will flow from that.  EVERYTHING.  Period. 

Philippians 2 is about our passion. What is that thing that God has placed in our hearts that knocks our socks off?  The thing that keeps us awake at night.  The one thing that makes us feel like THIS is what I was meant to do?!

Finally - Chapter 3. Pursuit - what are we pursuing?  How are we pursuing it?  To what degree does God want us to pursue it?  Where is our heart when it comes to pursuing it?  Is it all about US or is it about Him?  Are we worried about whether or not this pursuit is beneficial for us?

"My service for God today has nothing to do with my satisfaction for tomorrow."

Jimmy Morse

My purpose?  To glorify God. Period. 

My passion?  Short-term missions.  It's been that for awhile now, but I lost sight of it for many years.  I love, am energized, charged and fully and totally stoked about short-term missions.  Not just going (which I LOVE), but being involved in people's lives as they go.  Teaching them.  Encouraging them.  Training them.  Watching them catch the vision.  There is no greater pleasure in my life to be involved in someone's life as they experience their very first missions trip.  It makes me downright giddy at times.

My pursuit?  How do I do my passion full-time so that I am glorifying God by it?  What, where and how do I do what I think God is calling me to do?  I know God's going to provide the way and the means, but I don't think I'm just supposed to sit idly by waiting for it to happen. 

So that is it.  I'm at a point where I know where God is calling me, I just don't know how.  He does and though it honestly does scare me just a tad, it excites me, too.  I think it's going to call for some radical changes, but I think I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm ready.

Now what?

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm His

I have to send a box to Nebraska tomorrow.  The stuff I'm sending is going to go inside someone's luggage to be taken to Belize next week.  My dilemma is trying to fit as much stuff as possible into a rather smallish box so that the person taking it won't be overwhelmed.  Last night I realized that what I have to send will no way fit inside the box I'm trying to fit it in.

Ain't no way. Ain't no how.

I think, no scratch that, I know that I do the same with God.  I try, because it's easy, it's safe and it's comfortable, to put God in a box.  If I can contain God, then all the crazy, wild, and yes radical things that He does, is doing and is going to do can be ignored and left behind.  Right?

I am trying to put God...

GOD...

in a box.  The Creator of the heavens and the earth, GOD, inside a box. The One who made the galaxies and caterpillars, Coke Light and chicken fajita nachos, the color red and laughter... INSIDE A FLIPPIN' BOX PEOPLE!!

The same God who is holy, eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful, fair and just.  Just writing all that out is intimidating.  Yet I think I can take God and place Him in a box. 

Surely God wouldn't call me to do THAT! 

Surely God wouldn't call me to go THERE! 

Surely God wouldn't call me to love THEM!

Surely God wouldn't take my mom before I have a chance to say good-bye.

Surely God wouldn't expect me to be single much longer.

Yeah He would.  All of that and so much, MUCH more.  Why?  Because He's God. 

Because He is holy.  He can't be compared with anything or anyone.There are no accurate words that can be used to describe Him.  He is holy.  Period. 

Because He is eternal. He exists outside of time.  We don't.  He has no beginning.  No middle.  No end.  Think about that. 

Because He is all-knowing.  He knows the innards of my heart.  I get chills just thinking about that.  There's not a single, solitary thing that I can hide from Him.  Nothing. Nada.  Neither can you.

Because He is all-powerful.  Everything was created for Him.  Not the other way around. Yet I constantly ask Him why He does what He does.  Or, and I love this, I try to tell Him what to do!!  Someone slap me now!

Because He is fair and just.  Amen.  Enough said.

I can't even fit iPods, iPhones, Cakesters & Hershey's in a box, but yet I think I can put God in one. 

And yet, the idea of Him outside the box - of what He might do and might ask me to do, scares me.  But I have no choice. 

All that stuff will get packed up, in a slighly bigger box, and shipped off to Nebraska.  And I am realizing and accepting that it is finally time for me to stop trying to put God in a box.  He can't be contained and honestly, I don't want Him to be.  It's time for me to stop being so stinkin' afraid.

He is God, afterall.

(The above ramblings are my thoughts on what I read in Crazy Love.)