A Cookbook, Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino and God

Let me recap what's been going on:

1.  I went to Belize

2.  I read a book

3.  God changed my life

  

Ok, that pretty much sums it all up.

Have a nice day.

I'M KIDDING!!!  I mean that does sum it up, but that change?  Yeah, it's still scaring me.  And it makes me wonder, "What in the hey, whoa, YEAH is God doing??"   There are some days when I don't think He's moving fast enough and others when I wanna shout STOP!!  But He's God, He's in charge and I'm just along for the ride.

One of the realities of what I think God's doing (in case you missed it, I talked about it here) is the very, VERY real possibility that I might have to raise support.  Yikes!  No let me rephrase - YIKES!!!! I mean who in the heck am I kidding??  What in the world am I thinking?? 

HAVE I LOST MY EVER LOVIN' COTTON PICKIN' MIND???

So I kinda, sorta, freaked out Friday night, Saturday morning as I dwelled on the whole subject.  Satan, that rascally devil, had quite the heyday with my mind.  Drat him!  So by mid-morning Saturday I was discouraged and admitted to God, AGAIN, that I can't do this, that I'm scared and that I need Him to help me. (FYI - I pray that nearly every day, nope every hour these days.)

Now what happened over the next 2 days may seem insignificant to you, but to me, it confirmed LOUD and CLEAR that God was going to take care of and provide for me in ways I couldn't even imagine. 

On Saturday morning I was out and about and during one of my stops a woman (whom I don't even know, FYI) came up to me, handed me a cookbook that I had looked at before, wanted but had opted NOT to spend $25 on it, and told me that she received this book as a gift, had one already and asked if I would like to have it.  Excuse me?  Who does that??  TO A TOTAL STRANGER???

Then yesterday I was meeting a friend for coffee and chat.  Now the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice frappuccinos are out... and though I am a LOYAL Storyville drinker, a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice frapp is, just, well... YUMMY, and it signifies fall and they're yummy and I just like 'em (did I mention they're yummy?)!  I have been craving one since the came out (Tuesday, I believe), but thankfully there's no Starbucks in my sleepy little hollow.  My friend, however, wanted to meet at a Starbucks that's about mid-way between our houses. 

Oh the temptation.

On my way to meet my friend I asked God for the strength to NOT to waste my money (I know that sounds silly, but I REALLY like these things).  When I walked in my friend announced that she had gotten a gift card for her birthday and it was her treat.  I stood there, trying to protest, telling her I didn't really want anything and she said, "Are you kidding me?  The Pumpkin Spice frappacinos are out and they are YUMMY!  Let's each get one, ok??"

Oh yeah, it was yummy. 

On my way home later I thought about God showing me how He knows my wants and needs (even the frivolous ones) and that He's in charge of them all.  He reminded me through a cookbook from a stranger and a yummy drink from a friend how much He loves me and will provide for me.

(Did anyone besides me catch the humor of the picture of the frappuccinos being near "I Gave Up Two Mochas For Africa" logo?  Nice, huh?)

30 Days

It has officially been 30 days since I got back from Belize.  My laundry's done (ok that happened within 24 hours actually), the pictures are posted (ALSO within 24 hours), souvenirs and thank yous.... ok not so much done - and I was on such a roll!  BUT I'm finally also at the point of being able to talk and hopefully move on the whole thing that has literally been keeping me up at night.

I had taken the opportunity to hang out at the beach this weekend with my "family."  It was a near perfect time of relaxing, laughing, and talking.  Most importantly getting to talk to the people whose opinions matter to me the most.  But before I had a chance to do that, God needed to show me just one more time that this time is about Him and what He's doing. He did that on Sunday at a church service that was held in the "resort" where we were staying. The pastor there has been going through Philippians and this particular sermon was on the first part of Philippians 3:

"Finally..."

(I LITERALLY meant the first part!)

The guy teaching is one of those alliteration preachers - which I must confess, I like. And because the folks who attended the Sunday morning gathering tend to change from week to week, he's also one of those guys who can succintly recap several weeks of sermons.  Bonus! 

Philippians, Chapter 1, he told us, is about our purpose.  My purpose, your purpose, ANY believers purpose, is to glorify God in all we say and do.  Everything else will flow from that.  EVERYTHING.  Period. 

Philippians 2 is about our passion. What is that thing that God has placed in our hearts that knocks our socks off?  The thing that keeps us awake at night.  The one thing that makes us feel like THIS is what I was meant to do?!

Finally - Chapter 3. Pursuit - what are we pursuing?  How are we pursuing it?  To what degree does God want us to pursue it?  Where is our heart when it comes to pursuing it?  Is it all about US or is it about Him?  Are we worried about whether or not this pursuit is beneficial for us?

"My service for God today has nothing to do with my satisfaction for tomorrow."

Jimmy Morse

My purpose?  To glorify God. Period. 

My passion?  Short-term missions.  It's been that for awhile now, but I lost sight of it for many years.  I love, am energized, charged and fully and totally stoked about short-term missions.  Not just going (which I LOVE), but being involved in people's lives as they go.  Teaching them.  Encouraging them.  Training them.  Watching them catch the vision.  There is no greater pleasure in my life to be involved in someone's life as they experience their very first missions trip.  It makes me downright giddy at times.

My pursuit?  How do I do my passion full-time so that I am glorifying God by it?  What, where and how do I do what I think God is calling me to do?  I know God's going to provide the way and the means, but I don't think I'm just supposed to sit idly by waiting for it to happen. 

So that is it.  I'm at a point where I know where God is calling me, I just don't know how.  He does and though it honestly does scare me just a tad, it excites me, too.  I think it's going to call for some radical changes, but I think I'm finally at a point in my life where I'm ready.

Now what?

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm His

I have to send a box to Nebraska tomorrow.  The stuff I'm sending is going to go inside someone's luggage to be taken to Belize next week.  My dilemma is trying to fit as much stuff as possible into a rather smallish box so that the person taking it won't be overwhelmed.  Last night I realized that what I have to send will no way fit inside the box I'm trying to fit it in.

Ain't no way. Ain't no how.

I think, no scratch that, I know that I do the same with God.  I try, because it's easy, it's safe and it's comfortable, to put God in a box.  If I can contain God, then all the crazy, wild, and yes radical things that He does, is doing and is going to do can be ignored and left behind.  Right?

I am trying to put God...

GOD...

in a box.  The Creator of the heavens and the earth, GOD, inside a box. The One who made the galaxies and caterpillars, Coke Light and chicken fajita nachos, the color red and laughter... INSIDE A FLIPPIN' BOX PEOPLE!!

The same God who is holy, eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful, fair and just.  Just writing all that out is intimidating.  Yet I think I can take God and place Him in a box. 

Surely God wouldn't call me to do THAT! 

Surely God wouldn't call me to go THERE! 

Surely God wouldn't call me to love THEM!

Surely God wouldn't take my mom before I have a chance to say good-bye.

Surely God wouldn't expect me to be single much longer.

Yeah He would.  All of that and so much, MUCH more.  Why?  Because He's God. 

Because He is holy.  He can't be compared with anything or anyone.There are no accurate words that can be used to describe Him.  He is holy.  Period. 

Because He is eternal. He exists outside of time.  We don't.  He has no beginning.  No middle.  No end.  Think about that. 

Because He is all-knowing.  He knows the innards of my heart.  I get chills just thinking about that.  There's not a single, solitary thing that I can hide from Him.  Nothing. Nada.  Neither can you.

Because He is all-powerful.  Everything was created for Him.  Not the other way around. Yet I constantly ask Him why He does what He does.  Or, and I love this, I try to tell Him what to do!!  Someone slap me now!

Because He is fair and just.  Amen.  Enough said.

I can't even fit iPods, iPhones, Cakesters & Hershey's in a box, but yet I think I can put God in one. 

And yet, the idea of Him outside the box - of what He might do and might ask me to do, scares me.  But I have no choice. 

All that stuff will get packed up, in a slighly bigger box, and shipped off to Nebraska.  And I am realizing and accepting that it is finally time for me to stop trying to put God in a box.  He can't be contained and honestly, I don't want Him to be.  It's time for me to stop being so stinkin' afraid.

He is God, afterall.

(The above ramblings are my thoughts on what I read in Crazy Love.)

Life, Love & the Pursuit of a Perfect Cup of Coffee

The core problem isn’t the fact that we’re lukewarm, halfhearted, or stagnant Christians. The crux of it all is why we are this way, and it is because we have an inaccurate view of God. We see Him as a benevolent Being who is satisfied when people manage to fit Him into their lives in some small way. We forget that God never had an identity crisis. He knows that He’s great and deserves to be the center of our lives. Jesus came humbly as a servant, but He never begs us to give Him some small part of ourselves. He commands everything from His followers.

Crazy Love, Frances Chan, pg. 20

Now is probably a good a time as any to let y’all know, that most likely, unless a burning bush appears in my front yard and tells me to do otherwise, I’m not going to be revealing my major, huge, life-altering decision within the next few weeks. There seriously are some folks I need to talk to first who I’m thinking maybe should hear it from me rather than reading or hearing from someone else who has read it. And, ultimately, what I’m thinking and feeling may NOT be from God (hence the whole 30-day cooling off period).

Really – it’s not nearly as big a deal as I’m making it sound. It’s really rather minor in the whole grand scheme of life, love and the pursuit of a perfect cup of coffee (which I’ve found, by the way). So I apologize for the delay in revelation, but it’s for the best. And I promise, by the time I tell you, you’re going be like, “Eh, really? That’s it? So who’s going to win the Super Bowl this year?”

It’s hard giving up dreams that may ultimately not be God’s will or God’s best for me. But that’s a part of allowing Him to be the center of my life. I think for too long I’ve been walking around saying, “Ok God, this is what I want next” or “This is where I want to go next” or “Gosh I would be swell if You’d give me this next.” So for the next while I’m trying not to talk TO God but instead let God talk to me. Is what I’m thinking feeling HIS will and HIS best or is it me forcing that?

I dunno.

And, I realize, that some of those dreams and hopes and desires may ultimately be His will for me. And that’s GREAT. I just also need to stop trying to put MY time table into God’s hand and let Him do what He’s going to do, when He’s going to do it. I read a quote by one of my favorite bloggers, John Acuff, that said,

God loves to ‘pace our dreams,’ but we think He’s ‘delaying our dreams’ and in doing so we misinterpret what is a gift, as a punishment.

What am I rambling about? Not much, I suppose. Just that I know God’s doing something. And that’s all I have to say about that.

I Had A Grape Time In Berlin, Hiney.

I’m fairly certain that at some point, somehow, just prior to me leaving for Belize, I made some SILLY statement about keeping up my blog, etc., while I was gone. And I know that because it’s all there in black and… well… whatever that color is. And I did do that very thing for 2 whole days. Wow… get down with my bad self and get right back up again because that’s where it all stopped. I have many excuses and reasons for not keeping my promise (did I actually MAKE a promise??):

• Wireless internet in Caye Caulker was not all that great. Now that wasn’t totally true if you stayed in one of two rooms at the Tropical Paradise where you had GREAT internet or if you sat outside in the gazebo, but my laptop wouldn’t recognize the wireless connection. So my options were to consistently borrow someone’s laptop and either hang in the gazebo or crash in someone’s room. Neither option was all that appealing to me since there was so much other stuff to do. Besides, believe it or not, I have this serious phobia about being an imposition to someone.
• Of course, there was always my iTouch (or iPod Touch for those of you who are touchy about it being called an iTouch). Wherever there was internet, my iTouch would connect. But, have you tried typing out large amounts of text on those things? Not fun. And with “auto correct” I end up saying things like, "I'm having a GRAPE time in Berlin, hiney!"
• Then once we were down in Punta Gorda my chances of connecting to the internet were greater. However I had given my laptop away to someone in Caye Caulker, so I was back to having a grape time in Berlin, hiney.

But the truth of the whole matter is that by day 3 or 4 I was so overwhelmed with what I was reading, where my prayers/thoughts were taking me and with what was going on that I just was quite incapable of putting feet to my thoughts. So instead I just internalized it all and prayed for clarity of mind and that at some point I'd be able to unpack all this STUFF going on and share it with y’all.

I devoured “Crazy Love” and gave it to a friend down there before I left. Now I feel like I need to go get another copy and take my time reading and let all the things that caused me to think and cry and get pumped about, sink in and take root. But for now, I’ll be content to slowly try to understand all that God is saying and doing.

Wash your wear theater to encompass this with metropolitan (seriously gotta turn the auto correct off!).

I'm A Leavin' On A Jet Plane

Morning folks!! In just about 90 minutes I'll start my first leg on down to Belize. WOOT!! This is my fifth (!!!!) time down there and my... oh shine.... 12th or 13th mission trip. I can promise you, when I left on my first trip to the Dominican Republic I had no idea that I'd be sitting at the Charlotte-Douglas International Airport one day talking about my 12th trip.

WAY back when, I honestly thought God was leading me on that trip because He was going to break my heart regarding missions and quite possibly send me to Pago Pago to witness to the Pago pagans. I was willing to go wherever He wanted me (just PLEASE God, not to a HOT place) and do whatever He wanted. That first trip was with a HUGE group of high school students with Youth For Christ and we had been re-routed to the DR because of a coup going on in Haiti. I had never worked with high school student, but figured I had been one not long before that so how hard could it be, right?

Each morning while in the DR, I would pray, “God PLEASE break my heart regarding missions. PLEASE show me where you want me. Use me God.” Each day I would spend hours with the kids on our trip, laughing, hanging out and serving God. The next day I'd start the process all over again.

The result of that trip wasn't a clear sign to move to Bora Bora (I was into double-named places obviously) but a heart for high school kids and a love for short-term missions. And I have been blessed over the past many years to have been allowed to serve God in a variety of different places and a variety of different ways.

By far the hardest trip was to Iasi, Romania and the few hours I was able to spend in a baby orphanage loving on and helping dozens of babies who didn't know what human touch felt like but after a few minutes of being held cuddled in your arms and screamed like heck when you put them down. I bawled my eyes out for days knowing what was going to happen to so many of them and feeling powerless.

Prior to leaving for Africa I was told that once Africa got into your blood, nothing would ever replace it. That is beyond true, because although I have been to many places since then, there is a special and large place in my heart for Africa. If given the chance, I would go back in a heartbeat.

But the place that God keeps taking me back to is Belize. I love Belize. I have been fortunate enough to have made some wonderful friends there and enjoy being able to go back there as often as I can. I see a serious need down there and hungry, HUNGRY souls. Belizeans have heard the Gospel, many times and in many ways. But so many of these people are so lost and so desperate for something, ANYTHING in their lives to make a difference.

Whatever my role is in all of this, I have no clue, but I'm going to enjoy this opportunity and do my best to serve Him on this trip

Pray for all of us and pray that I would honor Him in all I do and all I say. And pray, that if it is His will, that my heart would be broken for Him.

Love you guys and I'll try to write more soon.

Do You See What I See?

I need to admit something.

Sigh… this is so hard….

My name is Alice. I need reading glasses.

There I said it. I’ve been fighting it for about a year now. But I can’t do it any longer. I need glasses. Just to read, but still. I’m the girl who used a small bible with tiny print with no problem, but now… yeah… sigh…


My eyes are aging. I’m not – just my eyes. I am still perfectly young. And I see perfectly well all other times, it’s just reading things up close. I’m gonna blame all these years sitting in front of the computer. Yeah that’s it. It’s the computer’s fault. It’s not that my eyes are aging, it’s the fact that I have to work for a living and sit in front of a computer all day.

Yeah, that’s it.

But it’s still a fairly tough pill to swallow, this whole needing glasses thing. But I’ve put it off long enough. So there I stood on Saturday afternoon in the middle of Barnes & Noble trying on various styles and strengths of glasses. THANKFULLY I’m only at the point of needing “very weak” ones (I guess they are the +1.0 ones) which is SOMEWHAT of a comfort.

I need reading glasses.

Sigh…

On a brighter note –

11 DAYS!!

Things are progressing along at a snail’s pace. Flights are booked, Caye Caulker details are done, but we’re still lacking a place to lay our heads in Punta Gorda (long story). And it’s raining, but it is the rainy season so I suppose that’s to be expected. But with all the rain comes the chance that the bridge will wash out. I informed our friend down there that he needs to figure out a way to make the van float since flying down and back from PG just isn’t in our budget at this time. I think he thinks I’m joking. I’m not.

Support for me is going well. I’m still about $350 short of my goal (ok, now that I’ve written that, it does seem a bit overwhelming, huh?). PRAY!! I have no doubt that God can and will make this happen.

Now where did I put my glasses?

Let Me 'Splain

(No let me sum up – ok, what movie is that from folks??)

Last night at about 3 AM I sat straight up and thought, “STINKIE!! I’m not being clear on some stuff about my Belize trip!!!” So allow me to apologize for letting y’all think stuff that would be so incredibly wrong. (And, most likely, most of you aren’t even aware of this, so just humor me here.)

As you may (or may not know) a portion of this trip will be spent in Caye Caulker. And, well, if you’ve never been to Caye Caulker, I pity you. It is, hands down, one of the most AMAZING places here on this earth. It easily ranks as one of my top 5 places I’d be more than willing for God to send me to as a full-time missionary. Our plans for Caye Caulker – NOTHING! Four GLORIOUS days of nada, zippo, zilch, and as Kristin would say, “bupkis.” Four GLORIOUS days of sand, sun, Storyville, great friends and lots of laughs. - oh how my soul is yearning for that!!

ANYHOW, what I need for y’all to know is that I AM NOT trying to raise support for this portion of the trip. Obviously since this is personal/vacation time, I’m paying for this. I would HATE for anyone out there to be thinking anything different. So please, if these thoughts crossed your mind, make them go far, FAR away.

And speaking of support, I’m a mere $400 away from my goal with… (drum roll please)

19 days to go!!!

Say What??

Ok, if I were to ever play the lottery and if I won, I would buy an airline. Someone explain to me how/why at 7:00 AM I can purchase one ticket to/from Belize for $576 then a mere 2 minutes later go to purchase more and SAY WHAT? There are no more seats available at that price. But I do have the opportunity to purchase seats on that same flight for a mere $155 more.

Huh…

So there I was... going to Belize… all by my lonesome.

MOMMY!!!

Here’s what I don’t get… I paid $576 for seat 16a. I could now buy seat 16B for $731 (16a is a window seat, 16b is the center). Ummm…. How is my seat worth less than someone who would be sitting in the middle getting all scrunched and stuff?

It’s all very confusing to me, actually.

And, if there are seats available, why not sell them all at the same price? Cause ya better believe your ripe patootie that if I find someone on my flight who paid less than me and booked about the same time as me, I’m gonna… well I’m gonna… ok, I’ll probably do nothing, but by golly I’ll have me an attitude!!

AND OH pity the soul who is sitting next to me if any of our flights are even slightly empty!!

The good news is that I am no longer going to Belize by myself. My friends, Greg, Jamie and the girls are flying out of Raleigh and we’re hooking up in Miami. Their tickets were slightly more than mine (amazing what 3 hours can do!) but at least we all now have tickets. The unfortunate part is that the cost of our trip has risen slightly (our tickets, overall, were a tad bit higher than anticipated). But God is good!!

Now if only we had a place to stay…

Oh and now my countdown has changed (we’re leaving a day early).

20 DAYS!!!

23 Days!!

I can’t believe I’m typing that again! Didn’t I just get back from Belize? Didn’t I just cancel one trip to Belize? Didn’t I tell Greg 2 months ago that I wouldn’t be going back down to Belize this year?

Oh how God is LAUGHING at me!

But here I go – planning, counting down and yes, putting stuff aside to pack. I’m a bit OCD-ish when it comes to packing. My “2009 Belize 2” packing list has been modified, edited and studied. Shopping, thankfully, is just about complete (with the exception of a travel coffee press and some Storyville, a jar of peanut butter and some Pepsi). Oh my packing issues could be a blog in and of themselves!

Tickets aren’t bought yet, but I think that’s just a formality. I think… sure… Nah – I’m not worried… much…

We’re doing things a tad bit differently this time. Generally you go, work like a dog doing the project (whatever it may be) then go debrief someplace before re-entry. This time, we’re doing the debrief on the front end and we’ll work right up to the day we leave. I’m cool with that. It’s been a tough year personally, and I could use the chill time.

Pray for all of us, if you don’t mind. Greg & Jamie, as always, will be running WIDE OPEN until we leave. Financially this trip will be a stretch for all of us. BUT God is gracious and continues to abundantly provide for each of us.

Pray, also, for the guys down there. They are right in the middle of Summer Camp. It’s hot (duh – it’s the jungle and it’s Central America – what else would it be?) and they’re still dealing with earthquake issues (no more earthquakes, but buildings that are totally repaired yet).

More later!

Here I Go Again!

Yup – I’m going back to Belize. CRAZY!! Just as soon as I think God has closed (ok, sometimes SLAMMED) a door, He opens it right back up in His way and in His time. Most folks are going to get the following via email, but some of you may not. For that reason, I’m posting my support letter here. If you are interested, or if you would like more information, PLEASE let me know.

Thank you!!!

Dear Friends,

Well here I go again!! I am hoping you all know (or at least those of you who got the first onslaught of emails or letters) that my June trip to Punta Gorda, Belize, had to be postponed due to financial concerns with R U Red E (they are FINE – the trip was going to put a HUGE strain on the ministry). However, God has paved away AGAIN for me to be able to go down and minister in Belize. And after much prayer and LOTS of talks, I’ve decided that I should go.

YAY GOD!!

I’ve been asked to accompany my SWEET friends Greg & Jamie Stuckey and their daughters back down to Punta Gorda, Belize. While we are down there we will be doing multiple projects. Greg and several other guys will be teaching college-level classes to the guys who live and work at Machaca Outreach Center as part of their Machaca Ministry Training program. During these classes, Jamie, the girls and I will be doing just about everything and anything at the camp that needs cleaned, repaired (minor), and re-organized after a summer of camps and outreach programs. And because we are handling these tasks, it will free up the guys to take part in this important class. We will also be looking into the possibility of getting a team down there SOON to take care of Miss Shirley’s roof (one of the original projects from the June trip).

So again, I find myself coming to you, humbly, asking for your prayers, and if possible, your financial support. My need for this trip has changed from the June trip. I am only required to raise $1500 to pay for airfare, food, lodging, and to help supply the guys with the textbooks and supplies. Through God’s grace I was able to raise a good portion of what is needed for this trip when I was raising funds for the June trip. Nearly all of that is able to be transferred to The Church At Sandhurst, the sponsoring church for the trip.

For me, the hardest part of any trip is this whole area of fund raising. But God continues to show me again through this process that He is in control. Your participation in ANY manner will be BEYOND appreciated.

Because of the timing of all of this, I’m obviously doing this in a rather unorthodox way. At this point, Sandhurst does not have the ability to accept donations online. If you would like to donate, PLEASE allow me to send you a stamped self-addressed envelope. Email me, Tweet me or just call and I’ll let you know where to mail it to if you’re just itching to do it now. And don’t forget, your donation is completely tax deductible and you will receive a receipt for it from Sandhurst.

In advance let me say thank you, thank you and a million times THANK YOU!! I am trying to keep a blog of this whole process, so check it out or follow me on Twitter. I’ll make every effort to update the site daily on our progress while down there.