Who's Your Daddy?

Unlike when I was in Belize, I am taking a seriously slow time to go through the book Crazy Love.  So much so, that after several weeks, I've finally started chapter 3 - "Crazy Love."  This chapter is about God's CRAZY LOVE for us and starts by talking about our earthly fathers and that sometimes that skews our view of God's love.

Since I knew I didn't have the most IDEAL family situation, I didn't want to admit, or think, or believe that whatever I felt about God or about how God loved me had anything to do with growing up Wassam.  Turns out, I think maybe it did (catch that - I'm STILL not totally admitting it, am I?).

In case the 5 folks who read this don't know (yup - I've grown from 3 to 5!) my parents divorced when I was 3.  My dad tried for a few years to be a dad, but eventually gave up.  I don't doubt for one moment that my dad loved me (and never have).  He pretty much only came into my life when he had money to pay some child support (meaning he hadn't gambled it all away) and when he was sober.  I could go for years without hearing from my dad.

I knew my daddy loved me, but TRUST was what was missing.  I learned to not ask my dad for anything - not because he didn't want to get it for me, he really did - he just couldn't, or as I sometimes thought, he just didn't hear me. When I'd call my daddy and ask him to come see me or whatever, most often he was either too broke or too drunk.

Turns out, I view God much the same way. It has taken me a very long time to admit that.  Slowly I am trying to change my thoughts that God isn't listening to me because He can't or doesn't want to.  I am trying desperately to grasp the concept that God my Father ALWAYS listens, ALWAYS hears, and ALWAYS answers.

God is never too anything to not hear me.  God isn't ignoring me. God isn't avoiding answering my prayers.

God isn't my daddy, He's my Father.

My earthly daddy loved me as best he could, being the sinful, human that he was.  Near the end of his life, he got to know my Father in a sweet, wonderful way.  My daddy walked away from the things that came between he and me, and walked toward a relationship with the One who loved me the way he never could.

My heavenly Father loves me in ways that I will never, ever fully comprehend and in ways that I'm just now starting to understand.  He is never too anything not to listen to me.  His silence (which I talked about here) has everything to with His CRAZY love for me. My response to Him is to trust.

Everything.

Always.

Even the silences.

A Cookbook, Pumpkin Spice Frappuccino and God

Let me recap what's been going on:

1.  I went to Belize

2.  I read a book

3.  God changed my life

  

Ok, that pretty much sums it all up.

Have a nice day.

I'M KIDDING!!!  I mean that does sum it up, but that change?  Yeah, it's still scaring me.  And it makes me wonder, "What in the hey, whoa, YEAH is God doing??"   There are some days when I don't think He's moving fast enough and others when I wanna shout STOP!!  But He's God, He's in charge and I'm just along for the ride.

One of the realities of what I think God's doing (in case you missed it, I talked about it here) is the very, VERY real possibility that I might have to raise support.  Yikes!  No let me rephrase - YIKES!!!! I mean who in the heck am I kidding??  What in the world am I thinking?? 

HAVE I LOST MY EVER LOVIN' COTTON PICKIN' MIND???

So I kinda, sorta, freaked out Friday night, Saturday morning as I dwelled on the whole subject.  Satan, that rascally devil, had quite the heyday with my mind.  Drat him!  So by mid-morning Saturday I was discouraged and admitted to God, AGAIN, that I can't do this, that I'm scared and that I need Him to help me. (FYI - I pray that nearly every day, nope every hour these days.)

Now what happened over the next 2 days may seem insignificant to you, but to me, it confirmed LOUD and CLEAR that God was going to take care of and provide for me in ways I couldn't even imagine. 

On Saturday morning I was out and about and during one of my stops a woman (whom I don't even know, FYI) came up to me, handed me a cookbook that I had looked at before, wanted but had opted NOT to spend $25 on it, and told me that she received this book as a gift, had one already and asked if I would like to have it.  Excuse me?  Who does that??  TO A TOTAL STRANGER???

Then yesterday I was meeting a friend for coffee and chat.  Now the Starbucks Pumpkin Spice frappuccinos are out... and though I am a LOYAL Storyville drinker, a Starbucks Pumpkin Spice frapp is, just, well... YUMMY, and it signifies fall and they're yummy and I just like 'em (did I mention they're yummy?)!  I have been craving one since the came out (Tuesday, I believe), but thankfully there's no Starbucks in my sleepy little hollow.  My friend, however, wanted to meet at a Starbucks that's about mid-way between our houses. 

Oh the temptation.

On my way to meet my friend I asked God for the strength to NOT to waste my money (I know that sounds silly, but I REALLY like these things).  When I walked in my friend announced that she had gotten a gift card for her birthday and it was her treat.  I stood there, trying to protest, telling her I didn't really want anything and she said, "Are you kidding me?  The Pumpkin Spice frappacinos are out and they are YUMMY!  Let's each get one, ok??"

Oh yeah, it was yummy. 

On my way home later I thought about God showing me how He knows my wants and needs (even the frivolous ones) and that He's in charge of them all.  He reminded me through a cookbook from a stranger and a yummy drink from a friend how much He loves me and will provide for me.

(Did anyone besides me catch the humor of the picture of the frappuccinos being near "I Gave Up Two Mochas For Africa" logo?  Nice, huh?)

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm His

I have to send a box to Nebraska tomorrow.  The stuff I'm sending is going to go inside someone's luggage to be taken to Belize next week.  My dilemma is trying to fit as much stuff as possible into a rather smallish box so that the person taking it won't be overwhelmed.  Last night I realized that what I have to send will no way fit inside the box I'm trying to fit it in.

Ain't no way. Ain't no how.

I think, no scratch that, I know that I do the same with God.  I try, because it's easy, it's safe and it's comfortable, to put God in a box.  If I can contain God, then all the crazy, wild, and yes radical things that He does, is doing and is going to do can be ignored and left behind.  Right?

I am trying to put God...

GOD...

in a box.  The Creator of the heavens and the earth, GOD, inside a box. The One who made the galaxies and caterpillars, Coke Light and chicken fajita nachos, the color red and laughter... INSIDE A FLIPPIN' BOX PEOPLE!!

The same God who is holy, eternal, all-knowing, all-powerful, fair and just.  Just writing all that out is intimidating.  Yet I think I can take God and place Him in a box. 

Surely God wouldn't call me to do THAT! 

Surely God wouldn't call me to go THERE! 

Surely God wouldn't call me to love THEM!

Surely God wouldn't take my mom before I have a chance to say good-bye.

Surely God wouldn't expect me to be single much longer.

Yeah He would.  All of that and so much, MUCH more.  Why?  Because He's God. 

Because He is holy.  He can't be compared with anything or anyone.There are no accurate words that can be used to describe Him.  He is holy.  Period. 

Because He is eternal. He exists outside of time.  We don't.  He has no beginning.  No middle.  No end.  Think about that. 

Because He is all-knowing.  He knows the innards of my heart.  I get chills just thinking about that.  There's not a single, solitary thing that I can hide from Him.  Nothing. Nada.  Neither can you.

Because He is all-powerful.  Everything was created for Him.  Not the other way around. Yet I constantly ask Him why He does what He does.  Or, and I love this, I try to tell Him what to do!!  Someone slap me now!

Because He is fair and just.  Amen.  Enough said.

I can't even fit iPods, iPhones, Cakesters & Hershey's in a box, but yet I think I can put God in one. 

And yet, the idea of Him outside the box - of what He might do and might ask me to do, scares me.  But I have no choice. 

All that stuff will get packed up, in a slighly bigger box, and shipped off to Nebraska.  And I am realizing and accepting that it is finally time for me to stop trying to put God in a box.  He can't be contained and honestly, I don't want Him to be.  It's time for me to stop being so stinkin' afraid.

He is God, afterall.

(The above ramblings are my thoughts on what I read in Crazy Love.)

Where My Tent Is Pitched Now

Think about the one person on this earth that you love more than ANYONE else.  It could be a parent, a spouse, a child - anyone who you cherish above all else.  Now, imagine that person being nailed to a cross, dying for people who, quite honestly, don't deserve it.



That probably doesn't even begin to touch the surface of how God felt.

That was the question presented to me today in the portion of Crazy Love that I'm camped on right now. Being an "orphan" of sorts (both my parents are deceased) and not being married and not having kids, I honestly had to think for a moment just who that person is that I love the most.  And once I locked in to who, those thoughts, those feelings, well they just weren't all the pleasant.

But yet, God loved me, ME, enough to allow His Son to go through that. 

Me.

Prideful.

Selfish.

Arrogant.

Me.

That is how much, how intense, how MIND BLOWING, how crazy His love is for me.

And yet, I know I take that love for granted.  I know that I walk around not even trying to be thankful for what He's done and I know that I just assume that no matter what I do, He will continue to love me with that same intensity.

And you know what?  He does.  CRAZY!!  Flat out, knock your socks off crazy.

Now that I am aware of all of that what should my response be?  Should I continue in the same lifestyle, the same sinful ways with the same responses and assumptions.  No.  Absolutely not.

If God is going to love me so much to do the one thing that to us humans is totally and completely unimaginable, how can I deny Him my life, totally and completely and utterly sold out for Him?  How can I not, in whatever small and insignificant way not try to live a life, radical, crazy and wholly devoted to Him?

How can you?

(All of these musings were taken from the video, Just Stop & Think on the Crazy Love website.  It's about 15 minutes long, but if you can't read the book, watch the video.  It'll radically change you because it has me.)