I Realized Something This Morning

I am really angry with God.

Really.

And maybe it’s misplaced and maybe it’s wrong, but it’s real.

Really real.

And it’s not like I’m blaming God for my singleness or my lack of wealth, the war in Iraq, the cost of postage stamps or Chuck not returning until January. It’s very specific. And until today, I didn’t realize how much I was allowing that anger to affect my relationship with Him.

Really affect it.

I was still praying – but they weren’t sincere. I kinda read my bible. But other than this past Saturday, my times with Him were stilted… forced and overall blah.

Really.

And it’s my fault – the anger, the frustration, the wall I’ve started to build between Him and me. But He didn’t answer a prayer the way I wanted, or the way I thought He should or when or how I thought He should. Gosh – could I sound any more like a petulant child throwing a tantrum?

Or maybe He did. Maybe it’s the timing, the length of time or WHATEVER, but the truth of the matter, regardless of it being right or wrong, I am really angry…

With God?

With me?

With the situation?

I think God’s ok with me being angry at Him. I know He can handle it. He knows the reality. He knows the truth. He knows my heart. And He knows that somewhere in South Carolina is a girl whose heart is still aching and who needs her Daddy to love her in spite of her anger. He knows that each day it gets better.

Really.