Thursday, May 28, 2009

I Yearn For Blind Devotion

"I yearn for blind devotion - unthinking, unwavering - a cause, a thing, a principle worthy of absolute loyalty. A truth self-medicating, a love unabating, something - anything - to which I relinquish all personal responsibility. Semper Fi, 'Til Death Do Us Part,' In Nomine Patris, Let's Go Mets. To the true believers, the lucky few, of thee I sing."
Mary Shannon, In Plain Sight

What am I devoted to?

I certainly know who (that would be God) but WHAT?

What cause?

What thing?

What principle is worthy of my absolute loyalty?

Is there anything I feel that strongly about? Or do my fears keep rooted firmly in mediocrity?

I read a blog recently by one of my favorite bloggers, Anne Jackson. Her question, "What is the biggest dream in your heart?" Well that just flat out terrified me. My biggest dream is so big that I refuse to even think about it. Seriously. I’ve never even told anyone.

No one.

Not Jen, Jamie, Lisa or Amanda. And if the 4 of them ever got together, they’d pretty much know EVERYTHING about me.

Except this.

The mere thought that this dream, as big as it is, as terrifying as it is, could actually be from God – well that just causes me to shut down. Is that dream worthy of my blind devotion? Is it something I’d be willing to relinquish all personal responsibility?



What are your biggest dreams, my friends? Are they big enough to scare you? Are they worthy of your absolute loyalty?

(I apologize for the seriousness of all of this. But it’s Thursday. And it’s been 4 weeks. And for that reason alone, today is serious. And now I have all these extra thoughts to unpack. But that’s ok. Because it is Thursday. And Amanda, tonight at 7:30 I’m going to do what you suggested.)

1 comment:

  1. My biggest dreams keep me awake at night and half of the time, they scare me shitless...but they are worth my absolute devotion because they are from God and because if not, then what is there to this life if not to spend every waking minute reching towards them.